In Praise of the Egg Sangwich

That's right, "sangwich". That's the way Grandpa said it, that's the way America says it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

The egg sangwich. A divine expression of the holy trinity of protein: meat, egg, cheese. But it is not a sangwich without an affront to Paleo man, the bread. I submit that it is a necessary evil. A high protein/fiber english muffin will purge this sin, and more too.

Butter and grill thy muffin. In the same pan, fry an egg... or two. Break the yolks and pepper them with a resolute hand. For meat, any pork product will do: bacon broken in two and maybe woven into a square; ham, sausage deftly split. Stack meat on egg and seal with cheese. Cheddar, or gouda if the bread is dark enough. Lay it atop, when it melts it will hold the meat together in a warm cheddary matrix.

How much do I love the egg sangwich? It is the only egg-based food I do not drown in tabasco. Ketchup is the ideal: lubricant and sealant both.

And now, a haiku.

O, thou egg sangwich!
A ham and egg alchemy:
Ketchup, butter, grease.

These are the Things

My grandfather had a unique way of speaking. He was a Seabee in the war and then a woodworker, for pay until he retired and for pleasure after that. He never made one of anything. Instead he'd make a jig or a pattern and bang out piece after piece after piece. When he died, he made me promise to finish about a dozen little wooden rocking chairs for teddy bears for which he'd already made all the parts. He refused to go until I said I'd finish them.

He crafted his words the same way. Unique phrases of his own design, usable over and over again. Efficient, lean, like a scribe mark on the router table. Here's a sample;

"It don't make."
Translation: "It doesn't make a bit of difference."
Context: On looking at a manual on massage featuring nude couples, "It don't make that they're bare."

"That weighs quite a little."
Translation: "It looks like it should be light, because it's small. But it's actually kind of heavy."

"These are things."
Translation: "Well, Richard, there are a lot of things in life that you have to consider very carefully."
Context: Used to close every declarative statement.
Etymological note: In his 70's it was, "These are the things." In his 80's, "These are things." I expect that if he had lived to 90 it would have become, "Things."

"Yer gettin' silly. Go to bed."
Apologia: OK, this is completely self-explanatory and not incredibly unique. But I heard it quite a little as a kid, when we'd stay overnight at his house. Usually uttered after my brother and I became completely insane watching Benny Hill with the old man.

I'm getting silly. End of post.

This story is Completely True.